Weakness 1. Avoid "
he says" quote introductions-
- Kayyy Babyyy- He says whatever comes to mind, saying that his parents "would have about two hemorrhages apiece if I told anything pretty personal about them," shows that he doesn't really care what he says, just wants to get his point across.
Weakness 6. Avoid the verbs "use" and "shows."
- Kayyy Babyyy-He says whatever comes to mind, saying that his parents "would have about two hemorrhages apiece if I told anything pretty personal about them," shows that he doesn't really care what he says, just wants to get his point across.
Weakness 3. When discussing your supporting quotes, don't be vague:
- UNDERWATER-He describes the boy’s feelings towards his parents with a negative, abusive and defiant diction.
Weakness 6. Avoid the verbs "use" and "shows."
- UNDERWATER-Therefore, the author uses tone to show the criticism the boy has towards them to a point of no return.
One really good one I found was off of
A Scrap of Parchment :
- In the opening page of Catcher in the Rye, J. D. Salinger underscores the teenage angst bursting though the young, yet disillusioned, Holden Caulfield. Lowbrow words like "lousy," "crap," "stuff,' "hell," "crumby," and "damn" accentuate Holden's anger as he rambles the opening of his story. Furthermore, sentence fragments, such as, "One of those little English jobs that can do around two hundred miles an hour," destroy any last vestige of formality, further developing the aura of simply telling a story to a friend. Despite a Dickens allusion, the majority of the passage is purely denotative, lacking symbolism. This expository passage helps develop Holden's past. Although the majority of this passage is about Holden's family and past, the majority of the character development shines through Salinger's diction and style.
- I think this person did really well!!! I felt smarter just by reading it! Great job A Scrap of Parchment!!
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